News Article: Opposites May Attract, but May Not Be Best for Each Other

Though the old saying that “opposites attract” may sometimes be true, when it comes to romance, it’s best to choose someone who loves what you love, according to Kansas State University instructor and licensed marriage and family therapist, Chelsea Madsen. Typically people are attracted to those who are similar to themselves in values, attitudes, and interests, she said.

When partners hold similar values, expectations, and attitudes, they will be less likely to have to negotiate through every minute detail of the relationship, Madsen said. She referenced growing numbers of studies which correlate similarities in values and attitudes between partners with increased marital satisfaction.

This is not to say opposites can’t attract or that opposites can’t have successful relationships, Madsen added. However, major differences have the potential to grow into major problems down the line. Madsen explained that sometimes opposites can attract in healthy ways, such as a partner who encourages the other to explore new ideas and experiences. However, she noted that all too often opposites attract in unhealthy ways.

“A lot of times when opposites attract it’s because somebody feels there’s a lack in their life or there’s a hole that they try to fill with a person who is an opposite,” Madsen said.

Madsen pointed out that looking to someone else to make one feel “whole” is never healthy and that this reasoning will usually only lead to further difficulty and disappointment. While there are many areas where similarities may not matter to your relationship satisfaction, it is most important, Madsen said, to find a partner who is similar in the areas that are most important to you.

Madsen said it is best to know what you desire in a partner and to work on those characteristics in yourself because oftentimes characteristics we look for in partners are the characteristics we desire for ourselves as well. For example, if you want a partner who is honest, work on being more honest. When we improve ourselves, we are more likely to have successful relationships with others whether similar or opposite, Madsen concluded.