When it comes to fighting in marriage, yelling, screaming and name-calling aren't the only fight-factors that lead to higher chances of divorce. A study conducted by the University of Michigan has discovered a new, less obvious, conflict pattern that tends to lead down the divorce road as well.
The study found that in relationships where one partner dealt with conflict in a constructive manner by carefully listening and calmly discussing, while the other partner dealt with conflict by withdrawing, divorce rates were higher. Couples who both had constructive styles of conflict management had lower divorce rates.
This particular constructive-withdrawn pattern proved to be a destructive one because it often led to the constructive partner feeling as though their withdrawn partner lacked investment in the relationship said researcher, Kira Birditt.
The data was collected in a study that followed 373 couples for 16 years, beginning in their first year of marriage. The couples were interviewed four times throughout the study. Overall, husbands reported behaving more constructively than wives. However, husbands who withdrew were less likely to change over time than wives who withdrew; wives were more likely to change from withdrawn to constructive behaviors over time than husbands were.
“We hope this study will lead to additional research on the complex dynamics of conflict between husbands and wives,” Birditt said.
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